This weekend I’m going to a wedding. There are a few things that I can count on when attending weddings.
1. No matter what I do, I will have to pee halfway through the ceremony. This has happened at every single wedding I’ve been to, with the exception of the nuptials of my friends Dane & Erin. Their ceremony was all of four minutes. I liked that. My bladder liked it more.
2. I will suit up and out class the groom. It’s just something I have to do.
3. I will cry. Usually it’s when the bride dances with her dad. Or it’s the couple’s first dance. Tears will be streaming. I’m a big old crier at these things. It’s fucking pathetic.
4. I’ll drink.
5. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART I will dance my face off to Mark Morrison’s Return of The Mack.
This is a special edition of ARTIST OF THE WEEK. I’m not so much talking about the Artist himself as his one hit. 
Return Of The Mack has become the song of songs in my crew of friends. It has literally been a part of every big celebration that has occurred over the past decade. That’s saying something. So rather than honoring a “legend” this week, I’m honoring an R&B hit that has the ability to change lives. It’s certainly changed mine. This here is a tribute to the legend that is Return Of The Mack. AOTW LEGEND- Mark Morrison’s RETURN OF THE MACK
Mark Morrison is an English R&B singer. He took the world by storm all the way back in 1996. It was then that he recorded his epic RETURN OF THE MACK. It exploded onto the English Pop charts, going all the way to Number 1. It then made its way over to the U.S. where it hit Number 2 on the Billboard Hot 100.
The Album aptly titled Return Of The Mack, went multi-platinum, largely do to the pure awesomeness that is the single. Man, I just gotta hear that song again right now!
After that album…actually more like after 1996, Mark Morrison faced some tough times. He got arrested after he thought it would be a good idea to try and take a handgun onto an airplane. Now I’m no law guy, but last time I checked that was a big No No. This was just the beginning of his woes. He then was convicted of “Affray” in a street fight where a man was killed. After that he sent an impersonator to his court appearance so that he could continue his tour.
Side Note: Look; we as American’s catch a bad rap for being racists, what with the whole 300 years of slavery debacle. But how racist is your country when a black man actually attempts to avoid a court date by sending a different dude in his place?
Your country is so racist he thought this would fly. A judge, who has your mug shot right in front of him, is so racist he will just see a black guy and think “yeah that’s him.”
That little stunt got him some prison time. He hit his lowest of lowest of lows when he was arrested in 2002 on suspicion of kidnapping, car theft, and bribing a police officer. How can a guy who created this masterpiece of fun, be capable of such shadiness?
It really is the best jam ever. I’ve never been in a crowd that was pissed that this song came on. Not once. Here’s proof.
Upon arrival at Las Vegas’ worst rated strip club we took over the DJ booth and played it at least three times. I say at least because I don’t remember most of the night. All I know is everyone there was pumped to be there.
2.      Every wedding I have ever attended has blasted this multiple times. Sure I’m dancing. But old folks and kids be getting down to this jam too. My friend Salim even bribed a DJ with $100 to play it two more times after the wedding was being shut down. We were aptly kicked off the golf course it was held at.
3.      I interrupted the Big Bang Theory Christmas party with this song and watched every mother-fucker in there lose their shit.
These are just three examples. I’ve only had one DJ in a bar turn down this track upon request. That guy was a dick anyway. All he had to say was “We only play Top 40”. I told him, “This song is bigger than Top 40. It’s bigger than you and me. It’s bigger than all of us.” Oddly enough that didn’t change his mind.
I am attending a wedding this weekend and I’m sure it’s going to be a doozy. After I’m done showing up the groom with my bangin suit, drinking, and crying all over myself, I’m gonna hear this track come over the speakers and dance my face off, while surrounded by the happiest bunch of assholes on the planet. Happy because of the wedding sure, but Return of the Mack will put them over the top.
ONE MORE TIME
Big Hugs
Kelly
LINKS